Where in Life do Values Show Up?

If you have read my previous article on “what are values” I feel like, if you weren't already able to answer this you would surely/ by now be able to think of dozens of examples pretty easily.  The idea that values drive everything we as humans do just goes to show that anything can be distilled into understanding what values lay behind the actions. Let's take a closer look at 3 areas in where values show up to continue the conversation and building the awareness of values by looking at self care, personal and work relationships.


I’d like to look at how we interact with the world as a relationship.  We have relationships with everyone and everything in this world. It is how we treat those relationships and view them that determines how we feel.  Now which comes first, doesn't really matter, but both are a choice and how best to make that choice would be hopefully connected to your values!


So firstly before we move onto looking at building relationships out in the world we need to look at how we relate to ourselves.  This will be the main focus to start with and will always resolve back to this place as new elements arise throughout the journey of growing and relating in the world.  I’d like to call this first process, self care. I am tittling this because any healthy relationship needs care. And if there’s any point to building any relationship at all it needs to have the intention of being a healthy one to sustain and better yet grow and even thrive going forward.  What we do matters and most of all how we treat ourselves is how we relate to the world. It is the energy we show up with and offer others and in tune will resonate back with us. I invite you to take a moment and pause to maybe close your eyes for a minute and ask yourself what is happening in your life right now.  What conflicts do you perceive to be limiting your potential for growth and where in your personal practice do you feel like you might be coming up short in supporting yourself to overcome these hurdles in life.


Now that you’ve given yourself some space to think about this, maybe you have felt some emotions stir and even had some ideas to what is bothering you about where you are at, or maybe you don't feel like you have any blocks and that's great too!  The main purpose of doing these check ins regularly with yourself is to give the time and space to yourself to just so how things are, and how you are dealing with them. This is a very important form of self care and self relating because it is honest and practical.  If you noticed you were feeling a bit tired, maybe that's a sign you need some more sleep, or maybe you need some more activity. I don’t know what it is for you, but my guess is that if you give yourself even just 10 minutes a day to do this practice that you will start to see that places where you are doing well and the places you could improve on helping yourself feel better and come up with some little solutions to make your life flow better.


Another useful tool in this process is to write down your findings.  Even if you only have a few minutes to go into this silence with the intention to check in with how you are feeling or what values are a priority in your life right now.  What might you be honoring or what could use some more intention. Have a pen and paper or your phone at the ready when you come out of this small mediation so you can write down how you are feeling.  If you don't have enough time to start distilling those feelings in that moment to get to the root of what the value behind the feeling is then you can always come back to it next time. Sometimes you might actually have the value and you can write it down as a reminder that this is what is important to you and you can post it up somewhere as a reminder to keep looking at and not forget that this is one of your main driving forces right now.  Another opportunity i find is sometimes I will actually come up with actionable steps that can go right in my calendar or i can call someone to set something up right away and then automatically feel more aligned with my values. The whole point of this process is to get in touch with your values and be able to continue to live in integrity with what is important to you. Practice this daily and you will see how it feeds into itself and things start to change around you and reflecting that awesomeness that you are.

Now once you have a base in understanding your values you can start to interpret other people's.  Just like anything this works best if you really have a good understanding of your own values because you will have more literacy with values language and skills to understand and interpret values.  A very useful tool to understanding others values is to use empathy. I wrote and article on this and i highly recommend checking it out before going any further in this one if you haven't read it already.  Any ways, being able to listen emphatically will help you understand the motivation behind other peoples actions. You will start to understand their values. Conflict usually arises when 2 or more individuals are trying to honor their personal values and somehow the way they are doing this interferes with each other.  The way to be able to work around this is building the understanding of what each individual's values are so then even if the values are different the two parties can at least relate to each other when sometimes that may not have been possible before. And now that understanding has been reach of what the values are a mutually beneficial solution can arise from communicating with one another of what could and will work or not until something can be agreed upon.  I firmly believe without the understanding of each other values a solution that would be agreed upon will not work because it needs to be built from a strong understanding a care for each others values.